yesterday i hungout with my high school friends. i missed them a lot. i forgot we spend time with each other. it didnt matter how long i have to take to get ready because no matter how long, they still want to hangout with me. because its me. im not just a person who can fill a spot of having many people. its a totally different feeling when i hangout with them. but then i feel dumb with them sometimes because they are so much smarter than me and they are doing so much better than me about their future. im not the same as before but they havent changed that much. your friend circle is pretty important. if i was always with them, my grades wouldnt be as bad as right now. i just want to find a group of friends like that again. who i can study with and help each other and same time down to earth and can have fun. its so hard. i think high schools the best time i’ve ever had as of now. i miss my friends <3 miss them so much. so so so so so much.

im pretty satisfied with my life now. it was way better than how it was. i dont want to involved in anything anymore. so sick and tired. when things happen now, i want to hide. i finally figured out i dont need many friends. i just need a few who are close to me. its true, alex always gives me shit for it. when i make friends, i just assume they are good people until they do something to me. after that, i dont wanna have anything to do with them at all anymore. im just so tired of trying to please everybody. trying to catch up to everyone so they wont judge me. fuck that, i dont wanna make effort when they are just sitting there and judging me without knowing anything or wanting to know. right? once in a while when i have time, i’ll catch up with a few who i known for a while but rarely hangout. just to see whats up with them and everything. right now, im trying to balance my time between work, family and relationship. but schools gonna start and my biggest worry is school. school, work, family, relationship. wheres my friendssss? lol im sure they’ll understand. a real friend would trust me and express everything to me without any shame. not just at the time when they are at their worst but all the time. my mom has really good instincts about people. i think in the future, when i meet a guy, im gonna bring him home to my mom first and if my mom likes him, i’ll keep him. lol mom knows best.