like yeah i can find any guy that is willing to go into a relationship with me. but i think since i get it so much, i dont think thats anything anymore. im just trying to find the good one. instead of just whoever person likes you, you have to find the one that is good for you. the good one that you will pursue. and not just someone who likes you. just everyone wants a rebound when they separate. because they’re not use to being alone. but find the one that you want.

but i guess right now im being a hypocrite. i feel different than how i feel before. i try to get with the best looking or fun in a group or a party. but in the end, it just doesnt feel right. not the right one.. i think i have to just feel it. he’ll appear when i least expect it. and i feel bad now. like just try to flirt and whatever for like 10-30 minutes then leave. hahahahaaa i use to like that feeling. but now i hate it. i still like the attention but its just stupid. i mean it fills up the empty spot temporary but not fully. someday i will meet that person who will fully fill it up. not even leave one micrometer. i need to learn to accept tho. because right now i feel like i cant accept anyone in my heart. but im going to get rid of whats filling my heart and just leave it empty until someone else comes in. maybe some people can fill like a bit to half when we try. but who knows when that person who will fill it fully will come. kai is right. i am stupid. and i need to grow the fuck up. the world is not fucking ending. in the future when i look back, im gonna think myself as so dumb being like this.

im hungry.. everyone says i got skinnier. i didddd. and im happy about itt :)